Divorce is an emotionally taxing matter and process that will test your patience. However, this should not be an excuse to throw all caution to the wind with wanton disregard of people around you.
1) Your Children – Aside from you and your spouse, your children are going to be affected by your divorce. Do not leave them out of the process simply because “they are just children.” Think of how the divorce is going to affect them emotionally and psychologically. In fact, studies show that some children blame themselves for the divorce.
Talking behind your spouse’s back and creating a negative image of him or her could do more harm than you may realize. Needless to say, bickering in front of the children is not going to help either. Monitor how they adjust to these changes and assure them that you and your spouse love them notwithstanding. Custody issues may require the children to adjust physically to the new set-up. Children whose parents have divorced are more likely to experience injury, asthma, headaches and speech impediments than children whose parents have remained married. (Dawson, Deborah. "Family Structure and Children's Health and Well-Being: Data from the 1988 National Health Interview Survey on Child Health." Journal of Marriage and the Family 53 (August 1991):573-84.)
If possible, establish a feasible Parenting Plan or ground rules for visitation and transition that both you and your spouse can respect. Doing so will help to prevent conflict and alienation of a parent which usually happens after a divorce. Studies show that children adjust better to the situation if they are in touch with both parents. Consider that children living with both biological parents are 20 to 35 percent more physically healthy than children from homes without both biological parents present. Taking steps to show and foster the idea that both parents equally care about the well-being of the children can have a dramatic effect on the children’s health. (Dawson, Deborah, "Family Structure and Children's Health and Well-Being: Data from the 1988 National Health Interview Survey on Child Health." Journal of Marriage and the Family 53 (August 1991):573-84)
2) Venting – It is healthy to get negative feelings out of your system. It’s okay to feel upset, cry and even scream if you feel like letting off some steam, but consider how and where you vent. Do not bash your soon to be ex in social media such as Facebook or Twitter. This will open the flood gates to gossip, will reflect negatively on you, and may have repercussions if your child reads it or hears about it from the gossip mill. Using social media to threaten your spouse could also get you in trouble, especially if the threat borders on a criminal act.
Solution: Cheesy as it may sound, maintain a diary or a written journal offline. This helps you achieve the desire to vent without hurting anybody, emotionally or physically. Talk to a friend or a family member who understands.
3) Communication with Other Party – The relationship is usually strained when parties are about to divorce, but this doesn’t necessarily mean that you are not able to communicate. You can be civil to each other and settle matters affecting your children, assets and liabilities, and other relevant matters. Being able to communicate and settle issues, will temper the need to hire a lawyer. Remember that the more you spend on legal fees, especially if you are hiring an expensive lawyer, the lesser assets you will have to divide among yourselves. Also take note that the more adversarial your case is, the longer it will take for the judge to thresh out the issues and decide the case.
4) Divorce Paperwork – It is not uncommon for divorcing couples to do the paperwork themselves since representing oneself pro se is acceptable in court. If you are going to do yours by yourself, have a check list of the papers to file in court and other considerations to take, to make sure you do not overlook important matters that you’ll regret later.
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