When our parents were school age kids, bullying was defined by situations where one big kid takes advantage of a smaller kid. The smaller or weaker kid was called names, he was pushed around, and once in a while the bullies took his lunch money. Over the years, bullying has evolved and became broader in scope. After the school shooting at Columbine High School in 1999, authorities realized that electronic media - specifically emails, chat rooms, text messaging, and social networks – are not being used to bully a person. Not only that, unlike older generations where most of the victims of bullying were male students, today even female students can be victims of bullying too.
In 2013, 15-year old Jordan Lewis of Illinois was found dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound and blamed bullying in his suicide note. Two days before his death a 12 year old girl from Florida, Rebecca Ann Sedwick, also committed suicide. Also, a month before that, Bart Palosz, a 15-year old Polish immigrant in Connecticut killed himself, and again it was because of bullying. 14-year-old Jamey Rodemeyer of Buffalo, New York was bullied online with gay slurs. 15-year old Amanda Todd of Vancouver was a victim of Facebook bullying, and long before that, 13-year old Megan Taylor Meier of Missouri hanged herself after being bullied on MySpace with a hoax account. This list could go on and on.
Teenage suicide due to bullying (more popularly known as “bullycide”) has reached alarming levels that bullying can no longer be brushed aside as a normal occurrence among kids – it is a dangerous form of harassment. Imagine the horror of Tori Blair Wilson when shehanged herself from a tree just 80 yards from her home in Palestine, Texas to escape from bullying. 10-year-old Ashlynn Connor of Illinois hanged herself the day after she asked permission from her mom to be home schooled and her mom refused. Ashlynn’s mother knew about the bullying but never thought that it would push her to kill herself.
In the light of how bullying has evolved and how teens are unable to cope with this problem, parents have become more sensitive to their children’s feelings and are more vigilant than ever. They look for tell-tale signs that their child is a victim of bullying. These signs range from low grades, change in eating habits, to isolation and mood swings, and requests to stay home instead of going to school.
It has become the norm for parents to teach their school age children how to deal with a bully without resorting to violence. These are just some of the solution parents advise their children when confronted by a bully: (1) stand up to the bully and use assertive words, to ask the bully to leave him alone or tell the bully that he does not care about the bully’s opinion of him; (2) defuse the bully with humor; (3) ignore the bully because an ignored bully gets tired eventually; and (4) just walk away from the bully and not let any form of provocation affect him.
Even before bullying happens, a parent can explain to a child that some kids are mean because they have issues of their own, one of them is insecurity. A child who is reassured that he is well loved by family and friends have no room for insecurity. Children should develop their self-esteem and be taught that their word is not dependent on the words of a bully. A bully should not be allowed to destroy a child’s self-esteem.
Bookstores like Barnes and Noble sell self-help books for kids, it helps them deal with bullying. Fictional novels where characters go through similar situations can also help your child deal with this problem. These books are authored by Patricia Polacco, Laura Vaccaro Seeger, James Patterson, and others.
Studies show that bullies pick on loners and those who are seemingly not able to defend themselves. Encourage your child to be social. Let him engage in an activity that interests him, where he can meet kids his age who share the same interests. The more friends you child has, the more likely the bully with back off. As the saying goes, there is strength in numbers.
Bullies attack in isolated areas where no one is likely to catch their misdeed. Children should also be encouraged to stay away from isolated areas where there is no or very little adult supervision, and to seek help from an adult who may be a teacher or even the school janitor.
School authorities are responsible for maintaining a safe learning environment for every student; hence, parents should be able to discern when to get the school and teachers involved especially if the bullying goes beyond normal childhood cruelty. If the bullying gets serious and escalates to the physical level, proper authorities should be informed. Ignoring the incident and leaving it unreported will not protect the injured child; the physical abuse could happen all over again, and other children could be victims too. In short, a parent’s silence could do more damage than harm.
Correcting the bully’s behavior is important because any behavior can develop into a habit. Parents of the victim should avoid confronting the victim. While studies show that bullies normally have parents who do not care about their children’s behavior, it is still proper to inform the bully’s parents about bullying incidents, how it is affecting your child, and how it concerns you as a parent. Give them the benefit of the doubt and the chance to address the problem and deal with their own child.
If the bullying is repetitive, harassment should be stopped. Bullying incidents are best reported when they are documented. Maintain some sort of a diary detailing signs and symptoms, and stories shared by your child. Gather physical evidence – photo of your child’s injuries; nasty notes, letters or emails sent; etc. – anything that proves that bullying affects your child emotionally, physically and psychologically. When you think that the bullying has escalated so much so that it bothers you and the child, do not hesitate to call the attention of the school authorities by reporting the bullying. The last recourse would be to transfer your child to another school if the school authorities refuse to implement measures that will help stop harassment.
In serious cases, parents of the victim child may have to call law enforcement officials and press charges if the acts constituting bullying is criminal in nature.
Therapy helps a child overcome depression and anxiety attacks caused by bullying. Find a local therapist in your area and make an appointment as soon as these signs become manifest.
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